HORSCOPES

February 2003 Edition*

ARIES: This is not a time to be wasting time because there is not enough time to spare and waste, so consider just getting wasted.

TAURUS: Stubborness will get you nowhere at the end of the month. Give in and accept that paisley and plaid don't go together.

GEMINI: This is your lucky month, so pick up pennies off the street, look for a four leaf clover, and hang a horse shoe above your door, it will all only make you luckier. Just don't attempt the lottery, you won't win. No one you know ever wins, so just save your dollar and buy a cup of coffee.

CANCER: Don't take the last anything- the last soda, or shower, or cookie, nothing. If you can, get the first one.

LEO: Take the clue and run with it.  Planned meetings aren't all they are cracked up to be.  Walk away slowly and don't make eye contact.

VIRGO: It's just going to be one of those months. Better be prepared. Carry spare change, dress in layers, and make sure your spare tire is ready...and that you know how to change a spare tire. If not, AAA's number is 1-800-AAA-HELP

LIBRA: When Venus rears her little head, it will hit you like a truck, nothing can prepare you for the news you are about to hear, so sit back and be ready for a shocker.

SCORPIO: The person you are closest too truly has your back, but the one you are willing to trust more is out to get you, and the guy in the blue suit is only interested in your body.

SAGITARIUS: The moon works against you this month while Mercury is there to cover your back.  Garlic is relevant.

CAPRICORN: Charm won't help you out of your current situation.  Admit defeat and suffer the consequences.  It's the shortest month of the year, so it will be over soon enough.

AQUARIUS: Chime in when you're being wronged, don't let the man get you down. If you sit for everything, you stand for nothing, or something like that.

PICES: The stars align to finally bring you what you deserve, which is not always the best news.  Peanut butter and jelly on a bagel will be your ticket into the big show.

*please note, we have absolutely no expertise behind or basis for these horoscopes, follow them at your own risk…